We have all heard the saying “the eyes are the mirror to the soul”. It’s true.
Just like I connect through their eyes, so can you.
We all look at our pets, but do you really look into their eyes?
That’s what I want you to think about. Look INTO their eyes, not AT their eyes. It’s totally different.
If you do, with intention, you will see happiness, hope, sadness, confusion, or whatever emotion they feel at the time. The eyes are a great way for you to “read” your own pet during various moments of the day.
Is there a communication issue between you and your pet? Look into their eyes, they are likely confused.
Come home to a mess? Look into their eyes. They are probably worried (because of your reaction), not because of the mess.
I do not recommend staring at your animal endlessly in the eyes. This can intimidate them. Just take a glance INTO their eyes. It won’t take long to know how they feel.
Sometimes they are born with it. In which case they need the right home to help teach them confidence.
Sometimes past experiences cause it.
Sometimes it comes on as animals age because in general they feel less safe (can’t move as fast, hear as well, etc.)
Sometimes loving guardians cause it. Wait, What?
Yes, many times anxiety is caused inadvertently by loving, caring guardians.
What are some of the causes?
* Lack of exposure to new things (sounds, sights, experiences, places, etc)
* Too much control (not allowing your animal work through fears with guidance and support but instead avoiding all fears)
* Not allowing your animal some time away from you. In this case the animal becomes so dependent on you, they do not develop self soothing, self coping skills.
* Not enough exercise (mental &/or physical)
* Pushing animals into fears too quickly (this is just as damaging as avoiding fears)
* Placing human expectations on them (expecting them to tolerate human things)
Humans like to take care of animals. It feels good. And when they are nervous and we hug them and kiss them, we feel good about comforting them. But the best help we can give them is to teach them confidence (and still hug and kiss them).
When I talk to animals with anxiety they ALL want to be braver or more confident. They don’t want to be afraid. They don’t want anxiety. They want their guardian to help them release the anxiety.
Regardless of the cause it is not fun to live in fear. When you have a pet with anxiety, you as their guardian can help them getting more confident or you can get anxious about their anxiety and cause more anxiety!
Some animals will have anxiety their entire lives (personality, past trauma, etc) and some will get better. As their guardian, help them. They need your help. Many humans just accept their pets have anxiety! But instead try to help them.
* Music, Solfeggios
* More fresh air and sunlight
* Sage the home
* Slow, safe, controlled exposure to fears with professional guidance if needed
* When they are afraid be confident yourself! Tell them how brave they are instead of “It’s ok.”. They understand words and if you say. “It’s ok. “ It makes them feel there is something to worry about.
* Treat them like they are brave (with love, kisses, hugs). And don’t focus on the fear. Focus on something else so they can too. Give them a hug and then say, “OK let’s go over here”, and change the scene, give them something else to think about.
* Ear Plugs, Thunder Vests, Rescue Remedy, there are things that can help without avoiding the fear.
Some will get better. Some won’t (based on their past or age). But either way, your confidence will make them feel safer. If they are nervous and you are too (Even if you are only nervous about how nervous they are!). That is too much for them to carry.
It takes time, patience, love, and a balance of confidence and support but you can help them get better. And trust me, they are asking for help.
As a pet guardian, no matter what type of animal you have, make happiness more important than obedience.
If you have a happy animal, the animal is better behaved. Most behavioral issues come from stress, anxiety, or confusion. This can happen when obedience becomes more important than happiness.
If you have a happy animal, you wont have to force them to do things. I see this in horses frequently. They are being asked (later forced) to do jobs they don’t enjoy because they have the talent. What happens after? Behavioral issues surface. Health issues surface. Just because an animal can do something, it doesn’t mean the animal is happy doing that something.
The same applies to all animals. Dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, etc… Any pet you have. If your daily routine with your pet is focused on happiness being the most important thing, everything else falls into place effortlessly. The animals make good choices. They respond better to their guardians. They FEEL better. They are relaxed, happy, and internally calm. They might be so happy they aren’t externally calm! LOL
The majority of homes have multiple pets. What happens when it is time for one pet to cross the rainbow bridge? Will the others know? Will they be sad?
At a spiritual level, yes, the other pets will know. But at the physical level they need to say GoodBye.
Most animals have loving relationships with the other pets in the home (or barn). They form bonds and friendships. There are even many circumstances where a “pair’ is together for a decade or longer.
Yes, the transition of one will make the other sad. Maybe even depressed.
Yes, if you don’t explain things to your pet they will wonder why the other pet just disappeared or never came home (barn).
Here are some ways to make this difficult event easier for the other animals in the home.
In either situation, leave something that belonged to your angel pet around the house/barn. Something the others animals can visit, stay close to, to feel comfort from. And explain again.
Explain to the other(s) what will happen and why.
Bring your pets together and tell them all it is time to say GoodBye.
Ideally, allow the remaining pets to see, smell, and process the angel pet’s body after the angel has transitioned.
If that is not possible, allow your angel pet to lay on a blanket while transitioning, wear a collar, or halter or have something on its body. Keep this on during the transition. Bring this item back to the other pets in the home/barn and leave it somewhere the animals frequent. The item (ideally a blanket or collar) will have the angel’s scent, as well as the scent of physical death (harsh term, I know. But it’s what animals smell). The animals will smell these scents and know what happened.
If you do the things above, the pets will understand and process the change. They will be sad. They will grieve. Like humans do.
Don’t forget them in the grieving process. They will need extra love and attention. Especially if they are the last animal left in the home, alone. Or if they lose the friend they were with for decades. Keep checking on them. Keep loving them.
And lastly, YES your angel pet will visit and your in house pets will see and feel the angel. This will help at a spiritual level. But like human, animals have a spiritual level and a physical level. The physical level will continue to grieve, missing their physical friend. Even though, like us, we know the angel is around.
Pets develop friendships, deep love, and connection with each other. They need you to help them get through it.
Talk to your pet like you’d talk to another human. You would not walk out of the house without saying a word if your partner or child was in the same room, or likely even in the house. You’d tell them you’re leaving and maybe even for how long and what you’re doing. Tell your pet:
* You’re leaving
* You’re coming back (very important for pets with separation anxiety)
* How long you expect to be gone
* Where you’re going
Pets are very intuitive. They understand and the know. They know more than you think they do.
The more you start looking at animals as equals and seeing their emotions, behaviors and quirks from their point of view, the happier they will be. They will engage more. They will open up more. Their personalities will shine more. They will behavior “better”. They will understand more.
I was always a gentle, patient, and kind guardian. 20 years ago I had happy pets. But I was seeing them from a human perspective. I was humanizing them. Placing my emotions and thoughts on them instead of trying to see their own thoughts and emotions and perspectives. I was placing my human ideas of why they behaved a certain way.
Now, holy cow! My pets are a level of happy that I never knew existed! All because I started seeing things from THEIR perspective, THEIR understanding, THEIR thoughts and emotions and most importantly their WHY behind their behaviors. Not the why I placed on their behavior, from a human perspective. I thought I was seeing things from their perspective often, but I wasn’t. I let human thoughts and emotions get in the way.
When you see your animals as equals instead of something you “own” your entire relationship will change for the better.
I have always loved animals. I have always been an animal person. I always did the best I knew how to do and followed what I thought was the right way to do things. I was always kind, never forceful. My animals have always been happy and loved. They were always happy.
But, I didn’t always see their behaviors from their perspective. I saw it through mine in my 20s and early 30s. Once I started really communicating with animals, lots of them, I started seeing their behavior from their perspective and it changed everything!
When I talk with the animals they often share preferred phrases with me. When they do, I make a commitment to use these terms.
Recently, pets have used the word “transition” instead of “euthanasia”, “dying”, and even “passed”.
I often ask them why. With this the general consensus is because they are not moving on in any way, they are transitioning into a different form, still as actively involved in their guardians’ lives.
If your pet brings you something – anything, thank them.
It could be a toy, a kill, a stick, a bone, even your shoe! Whatever it is, it is their way of gifting you something to show their love.
So many pets get “in trouble” for bringing a sock or a shoe or an item belonging to a human. Trust me there is not a more flattering gift. It has your scent. Your animal is showing you how special you are. And bringing you something that is YOURS! To be helpful and to show love.
There are a few things humans do that unintentionally hurt their animals feelings. I will post about these over the next week or two.
The first is teasing – I see a lot of clips on IG of animals being teased… now some of it is funny! The cheese test (as long as you give your pet the cheese after). But most of it just confuses animals. They don’t understand teasing like humans do and they take everything literally.
They think you are laughing AT them. This hurts their feelings.
They think they are in trouble or a disappointment.
They think they’ve done something wrong.
They wonder why their guardian wants to “annoy” them.
Most importantly, teasing affects your relationship with your pet. It scars the trust. Animals are all forgiving beings so yes they get over it but in that moment they are hurting, they are sad, they are confused.
