We have all heard the saying “the eyes are the mirror to the soul”. It’s true.
Just like I connect through their eyes, so can you.
We all look at our pets, but do you really look into their eyes?
That’s what I want you to think about. Look INTO their eyes, not AT their eyes. It’s totally different.
If you do, with intention, you will see happiness, hope, sadness, confusion, or whatever emotion they feel at the time. The eyes are a great way for you to “read” your own pet during various moments of the day.
Is there a communication issue between you and your pet? Look into their eyes, they are likely confused.
Come home to a mess? Look into their eyes. They are probably worried (because of your reaction), not because of the mess.
I do not recommend staring at your animal endlessly in the eyes. This can intimidate them. Just take a glance INTO their eyes. It won’t take long to know how they feel.
I want to share with you how important fostering is. We all hear it. We all know it. But today hit differently. Rambo got adopted today. After 18 months in rescue with ZERO applications, today he got adopted. Why? Because he was fostered.
People like to see photos of videos of the dogs doing real life every day family/home things. And as a foster you give the dog a chance at those things.
We took him in 6 weeks ago as a foster to adopt. We needed time for him to settle and then cat test him since his reaction to cats was unknown. We needed cat friendly. Unfortunately, he is not cat friendly. We confirmed this with 3 trainers. So fast forward to the last week. We realized he needed a cat friendly home so I posted him on socials.
From the day I posted him to the day he went home…. 5 days. That’s it. 5 days! A dog that went from zero applications in 18 months, to posted and adopted in 5 days. The only difference? He was in a foster home. Fostering makes adoptions happen.
The adopters today told me they woke up at 4am wondering if they were making the wrong decision. Why? Because they said “rescue dogs can have issues. Rescue dogs have problems and baggage.” But them, they told me their thoughts changed to “He will be fine because he’s been living in a home instead of a shelter.” And, “ He knows how to live in a home.” They felt better knowing he had been around many different people and animals. They felt better knowing he has been sleeping in my daughter’s bed with her. They felt better knowing he’s been around loving humans not scared in a shelter. Fostering makes it more personal. The dog isn’t just another face, the dog is part of someone’s family and someone’s home. Having the dog in a home made them feel comfortable enough to say YES to adoption.
And as important, fostering allowed him to get in front of different eyes. Because I had him in my home I was able to post him on my community and town pages on socials, my own personal socials, and dog specific (local) pages on socials. This put him in front of all new sets of eyes that the rescue does not have access to. The rescue posts them on PetFinder and their website. There are hundreds of thousands of dogs on PetFinder, it’s way too hard for one to stand out. But on smaller groups on socials? Very easy for those dogs to get noticed.
I’ve also had past adopters tell me they felt more comfortable adopting a dog that was being fostered by me (as an example) because I am a member of their community and we have had mutual friends. It gave them a connection to feel that they were not adopting from a stranger, but rather someone they could trust.
I live in a small town in Southern Maine. I posted Rambo on a few community pages and a few dog specific local pages, but the adopter came from the smallest of all those pages. My town page, Arundel Maine. So please, FOSTER. It doesn’t only save lives it leads to ADOPTION. And adoption is the goal. If you foster you have the ablity to get that dog more individual attention, which increases their odds of adoption. Every foster I have had, has been adopted by someone that saw the dog on my town pages. Pages the rescue does not have access to.
And if you can foster, please consider one of the dogs that has been continuously overlooked. All it takes is that dog getting in front of new eyes to have their forever. The forever they have been waiting so long for. The forever that every dog deserves.
My foster went to his forever home today. I cried. I’ve fostered many, many dogs. I’ve never cried. I’ve been able to tell myself “this is a temporary foster”. This one got himself into a different spot in my heart. Though I’ve fostered many dogs for many years, there were some really important lessons and reminders for me this time. Reasons that reminded me WHY fostering is so important. WHY fostering not only saves lives but gets dogs into homes. Isn’t that the end goal? We don’t want to pull them out of a shelter to bounce around from foster to foster, we want to get them into a forever home as quickly as we can.
Today I heard from an adopter how much fostering matters. Rambo’s new family has not had a dog in TEN years. They didn’t want to train a puppy (older and retired). They didn’t want a “Rescue” dog. Because let’s face it, a lot of people (a lot of society actually), label rescue dogs (and rescue animals as a whole) as:
* Dogs with Issues * Dogs with Problems * Dogs with No Training * Broken Dogs * Aggressive Dogs * Problem Dogs * Unwanted Dogs
But they saw Rambo’s post and he fit their criteria. Despite filling out an application, thinking it over, getting approved, they had doubts. They woke up in the middle of the night and thought ” What are we doing? This is a rescue dog. Is this a bad decision? What problems are we getting?”. But then, the thoughts went to, “He’s living in a home now with a family and other dogs. He knows how to live in a house. He will be just fine. “
If Rambo was in a shelter they never would’ve given him a chance. They would’ve overlooked a wonderful dog. Putting dogs into foster homes makes them MORE adoptable. Most adopters feel better and more confident about adopting a dog from a home versus a shelter.
Rambo spent 18 months in rescue without a single application. But, bringing him into my home changed everything. He got interest. He got an application. Along with bringing him into my home, he got access to my community. As a foster you can reach a different network of people. Rescues highlight their dogs on Pet Finder and on their website.
Have you ever looked at Pet Finder? Tens of thousands of animals. It’s hard for a dog to stand out. But, as a member of the community, I can highlight the dog on my social media pages, my community social media pages, and my extended network on socials. My town has a a few pages, I am on a few pages for “Hiking with Dogs” or “Dog Friendly” New England Pages. These are all networks the rescue does not have access to. By taking the dog into my home, I can not get the dog into the eyes of all the people on these pages.
Adopters also feel more comfortable getting a dog from members of the community. It feels more real. More authentic. It feels more trusted. I’ve had many adopters tell me they saw we had mutual friends, so they asked the mutual friend about me. A reference check on me in a sense. And because their friend had great things to say about me, they trusted me. They trusted that what I told them about the dog was accurate. They didn’t feel like they were getting a dog from a stranger.
I also brought all my foster dogs out in public with me. Pet stores, errands, etc.. Rambo, knows how to beep the horn! Every time I left him in the car he would beep the horn and people would tell me! That was always a conversation starter. We laughed, I would tell them he’s available for adoption, etc… That’s networking. Letting as many people in your community know the dog is available.
Without fosters none of this happens for these dogs. They sit in a shelter or a rescue center overlooked. Living in a way that is unnatural (cage) with limited human interaction. This can make going to a home stressful for them. But if you foster, you are getting more eyes on them, you are giving them skills they need to succeed in a home. Fostering is what makes adoption happen. Yes, we all know it saves lives. But what we don’t hear people say is, fostering is what makes adoption happen. I realized that today because of Rambo.
Rambo impacted me differently, not just in my heart, but in my perspective on fostering. When you see a thousand homeless faces, looking sad, depressed, etc.. it’s hard to pick one. And it’s hard for people to see those dogs as happy dogs they want to welcome into the family. They usually have a couple photos that aren’t great and don’t show off the dog well. But when you see a dog in foster, you see videos and photos of the dog having fun, smiling, maybe being around kids and other animals, going outside, showing off their BEST traits, they generate more interest. They get adopted.
After 18 months, Rambo got adopted. After 18 months, he is now a dog someone WANTS to love.
So though my heart is sad, I won’t try to hide that fact, I know now my home is open for another dog that will choose me to be his pathway to his forever home. Rambo felt different. I would’ve fostered failed if this meet and greet didn’t work out. But it did. And when I left I remembered there are endless Rambo’s waiting for someone to say YES, I am ready to love you. And they need fosters to help them get there.
I came home holding his empty collar, crying. I looked at his kennel, empty, I cried. I took his toys and gave them to my dogs, and I cried. It feels empty here without him. I’ve cried three additional times since I’ve been home. And though I have enjoyed every foster I have had, he made himself part of me. This one hurts. But it hurts more to know there are so many waiting. Waiting like Rambo did. Some will never get a chance unless a foster opens their home.
So please foster if you can. You can do it occasionally or regularly. And if you can, take a long term resident. If they’ve been waiting for a long time, they need to be seen by new eyes in new places. You can be the reason they finally get the forever they have waited so long for. And trust me, they don’t all hurt. This is my first that hurt out of more dogs than I can count.
Every other foster I have sent off with all happiness. This one was half happiness and half heartache, maybe a little more heartache than happiness. There was bound to be one along the way…. and Rambo was the one.
Do you think your pet is not listening to you? Is it possible your pet thinks youre the problem?
Animals have natural behaviors that will be there no matter how much we domesticate them. Cats are meant to scratch. When they scratch furniture or corners of your home you are scolding them for what they are suppose to do. This is how they take care of their nails.
Maybe you cat thinks…. “I found the perfect place to keep my nails short and my human took that away from me but didn’t provide another suitable option? What am I suppose to do now?
What about dogs that pull on the leash. They are meant to sniff. Maybe your dog thinks, why won’t my human stop pulling on ME? You think they’re pulling. They think you’re pulling. Who is actually pulling?
See where I am going with this? This applies to every animal species for every behavior. They are NEVER ever trying to break rules. The rules they have are human rules. If you take the behavior and look at it from their perspective you will see maybe they see you as the problem.
This doesn’t mean our animals should run wildly with no rules. We all have rules as humans and as animals. My intention is just to get you to understand their perspective and therefore maybe cut them some slack. And make some decisions. What matters and what doesn’t? Safety does. Nothing else really does.
Let them enjoy life. If you let them sniff (they can sniff without pulling- but they will always pull if not allowed to sniff), ore exercise them often enough, they aren’t going to pull during the entire walk.
If you give your cat a suitable place to scratch and a very CLEAN place to use the bathroom, they’ll use it. Cats are very clean animals.
Pets should not be blamed for doing animal things. Humans should accommodate their natural behaviors as much as possible while keeping them safe. And when we do need to correct their behaviors or improve manners understanding their “why” helps with fair corrections and improved adherence from the pet.
Sometimes they are born with it. In which case they need the right home to help teach them confidence.
Sometimes past experiences cause it.
Sometimes it comes on as animals age because in general they feel less safe (can’t move as fast, hear as well, etc.)
Sometimes loving guardians cause it. Wait, What?
Yes, many times anxiety is caused inadvertently by loving, caring guardians.
What are some of the causes?
* Lack of exposure to new things (sounds, sights, experiences, places, etc)
* Too much control (not allowing your animal work through fears with guidance and support but instead avoiding all fears)
* Not allowing your animal some time away from you. In this case the animal becomes so dependent on you, they do not develop self soothing, self coping skills.
* Not enough exercise (mental &/or physical)
* Pushing animals into fears too quickly (this is just as damaging as avoiding fears)
* Placing human expectations on them (expecting them to tolerate human things)
Humans like to take care of animals. It feels good. And when they are nervous and we hug them and kiss them, we feel good about comforting them. But the best help we can give them is to teach them confidence (and still hug and kiss them).
When I talk to animals with anxiety they ALL want to be braver or more confident. They don’t want to be afraid. They don’t want anxiety. They want their guardian to help them release the anxiety.
Regardless of the cause it is not fun to live in fear. When you have a pet with anxiety, you as their guardian can help them getting more confident or you can get anxious about their anxiety and cause more anxiety!
Some animals will have anxiety their entire lives (personality, past trauma, etc) and some will get better. As their guardian, help them. They need your help. Many humans just accept their pets have anxiety! But instead try to help them.
* Music, Solfeggios
* More fresh air and sunlight
* Sage the home
* Slow, safe, controlled exposure to fears with professional guidance if needed
* When they are afraid be confident yourself! Tell them how brave they are instead of “It’s ok.”. They understand words and if you say. “It’s ok. “ It makes them feel there is something to worry about.
* Treat them like they are brave (with love, kisses, hugs). And don’t focus on the fear. Focus on something else so they can too. Give them a hug and then say, “OK let’s go over here”, and change the scene, give them something else to think about.
* Ear Plugs, Thunder Vests, Rescue Remedy, there are things that can help without avoiding the fear.
Some will get better. Some won’t (based on their past or age). But either way, your confidence will make them feel safer. If they are nervous and you are too (Even if you are only nervous about how nervous they are!). That is too much for them to carry.
It takes time, patience, love, and a balance of confidence and support but you can help them get better. And trust me, they are asking for help.
Animals can not feel guilt. This is a human emotion.
Instead, what you are seeing is your animals reaction to you and your emotion. They don’t feel remorse after going through the trash, scratching something up, or breaking something when you weren’t around. However, when you show up and you are frustrated, they react to YOU. But they do not know why you are frustrated.
So what you see if their attempt at avoiding conflict and avoiding trouble. It is their attempt at showing you they see you are upset and showing you they don’t want to add to your emotion. So they show what we label as signs of guilt. However in an animal’s perspective they are trying to assume a submissive position to avoid conflict, to stay out of trouble, and to show you, they just want to keep the peace.
Animals are experts at reading human emotions. If you look upset, they want to avoid making you more upset. So they try to deescalate the situation by making themselves small, avoiding eye contact, trying to hide, etc. The last thing they want to do is make you more upset than you already are. So they assume their most non threatening positions and actions.
Because of this scolding them or continuing to be frustrated and upset only damages the relationship you have with your animal. When they are doing everything they can to maintain the peace, to avoid trouble/conflict, you scolding them only makes you unjust and unsafe in their eyes.
Unless you caught them in the act, they have no idea why you are upset. Animals are highly communicative beings. When you ignore their communication (them assuming submissive behaviors and actions) in these moments, you will cause them to live in confusion and fear.
Instead, stop and take a breath. Change your energy. Encourage your animal to approach you. They want to help us. They want to be your happy place! If you are upset, they want to comfort you. Let them know it is ok for them to comfort you. Be happy to see them despite the mess you walked into. Because I can promise you they are SO happy to see you every day, in all situations and under all occasions.
The mess is separate from your pet at that moment. If you didn’t catch them in the act there is zero connection in their mind. This is why they are such great teachers for us! You have to let it go. And allow your pet to make you smile. Doing this will create the deepest, truest bond. Your pet will feel SAFE with you. Your pet will continue to communicate with you instead of shutting down.
We all know animals want us to stay with them during euthanasia. We have all heard vets talk about the importance of this. There are people that love their pets SO MUCH, that still choose to leave the room. Why? Their hearts can’t take the pain.
Deep love can occasionally cause deep pain. Here are some points from them, not from vets.
Yes, the animals will look for you if you leave. Yes, they want you to be there. Yes, it is incredibly heartbreaking for humans. But think of these things.
Most animals do not feel comfortable at the vet. They are nervous because they are so in tune to energy. And the office is filled with nervous fear energy. They feel safe with their guardian. Stay with them to comfort them. They will be less nervous if you are there.
They want YOU to be the last thing they see before their transition. They will LOOK for you if you leave. They trusted you to help them transition. If they waited for you to make the choice, the decision, that is because they wanted YOU to be the last person they saw before they gained their wings. They will feel something “went wrong”.
They will be confused. Your animal has been by your side every day. They will wonder if they did something wrong or made a mistake because you were not there.
Ask yourself this – If the roles were reversed, would your pet stay by your side no matter how hard it is? One million percent, YES. You see the stories of animals not leaving the location of their guardians. Waiting endlessly. You see the stories of animals staying with the guardians for hours, days, after they have passed until physically being forced to leave.
Not everyone may agree with me but this is my opinion. That kind of loyalty, the kind animals give us, comes with a great responsibility and deserves deep respect. Your animal would NEVER leave you, dont leave your animal.
No matter how bad things get, your pet never leaves your side. Be like your pet. Please. It will hurt. But take the pain, instead of giving it to them. Their heart will hurt if you are not there.
Lastly, we have all made mistakes. If you left your animal because you didn’t know at the time. Apologize to them now. Explain now. It is never too late.
And tell others. Leaving your pet doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Maybe it means you love them so much you choose not to make it more painful than it already is. You will feel pain because of their absence. You are only minimizing the pain felt during the actual transition. And to that I say, after all the years they gave you selfless love and loyalty, putting you before themselves, the 30 minutes in that vet room staying by their side is a very small sacrifice to make for them.
If you have a horse that is easily startled, nervous, anxious or tense, consider playing soft music in the barn.
Horses are herd animals and when they are in stalls they are separated from other horses (aka the herd). They rely on each other for safety. They rely on each other to notify the herd of danger. They are domestic animals that have maintained many of their “wild ancestor” traits.
Playing music in your barn overnight can help horses feel more at ease. This music will muffle many of the sounds that trigger a nervous reaction. If your horse is rested, their performance will be better. Just like athletes.
Music to muffle the sounds will allow your horse to relax and rest. Something they can not do when they are constantly on alert.
I’ve talked about solfeggios and their benefits. However, any relaxing music will do. Think elevator music!
As a pet guardian, no matter what type of animal you have, make happiness more important than obedience.
If you have a happy animal, the animal is better behaved. Most behavioral issues come from stress, anxiety, or confusion. This can happen when obedience becomes more important than happiness.
If you have a happy animal, you wont have to force them to do things. I see this in horses frequently. They are being asked (later forced) to do jobs they don’t enjoy because they have the talent. What happens after? Behavioral issues surface. Health issues surface. Just because an animal can do something, it doesn’t mean the animal is happy doing that something.
The same applies to all animals. Dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, etc… Any pet you have. If your daily routine with your pet is focused on happiness being the most important thing, everything else falls into place effortlessly. The animals make good choices. They respond better to their guardians. They FEEL better. They are relaxed, happy, and internally calm. They might be so happy they aren’t externally calm! LOL
Dogs get excited when we come home. It can be 5 minutes, or 5 days and they are equally as excited. It feels like FOREVER for them when their best friend is gone.
A lot of dogs jump and get way too excited. I want to try to put this in perspective for you from a dog’s point of view.
Dogs are mentally equivalent to toddlers. When Toddlers get excited they loud and active! As adults when we get excited we learn to contain it more.
Also, you are your dogs whole entire world. They don’t have anything but YOU. So yes they are going to be excited when you come home. They know You are the one that feeds them, loves them, brings them places, etc. And they live only for YOU. Dogs don’t live for themselves.
Dogs are affectionate animals. When your dog sees another familiar dog, a friend, they get excited. They run, play, jump around. So them doing this to you is a honor! You are one of the pack!
But, yes I understand we must teach dogs not to jump up because they could knock over small or elderly people. They could scare people unintentionally.
More to think about. So many trainers will tell you to ignore the dog when you get home and when the dog comes down, acknowledge it and give it attention. Though this works, guess what it does? It hurts your dog’s heart. They feel less loved. .
Imagine the person you love most, being gone, you miss them. When you finally see them you are SO excited and they walk right past you and ignore you. It would hurt your heart. A lot. You would question if that person is happy to see you. Thats how dogs feel.
Or imagine your living parter (kid, spouse), etc. going to run an errand. Coming home, you say “Hello”, and try to talk and they just keep walking away from you ignoring you. You would feel confused, sad, and shut down.
So what you can you do? Because they can’t jump and we want them to know they are loved.
There is a better way to teach them.
I 1000% say acknowledge and love your dog when you come home, every single time. I do. If they get too excited (which many do), instead of ignoring them, scratch them around their neck, under the collar, or on the back of the neck. Both places a dog can not reach well on their own.
It will RELAX them. And, it feels so good! It is a sign of affection and love because you are doing something for them. And, you are acknowledging them. And, most importantly, it will calm them. They will immediately stop jumping or bouncing around wildly.
This is a favorite spot for the major of dogs. But maybe your dog has a different favorite spot. If so, use that one. Find the spot that makes your dog turn into a noodle. I can tell you it is going to be a spot your pet can’t reach on their own. Use this every time you walk in the door. It will change wild and jumpy dogs into relaxed dogs. And if you have a dog that is quiet when greeting, scratch them anyway because it will show them you are happy to see them.
