Despite so many pet’s being loved society places an unrealistic expectation on a pet’s ability to show emotions, especially dogs. When I communicate with the animals the most common complaint is having to repress their emotions. When it gets really frustrating for them, many animals will demonstrate behavioral issues as a show of their emotions or they finally show their emotions and are frowned upon for doing so.
Think of your pet’s as children. They are dependent on us and their communication skills are not equivalent to an adult’s. When you think of pets in that way, it is unfair to expect more from them. Yes, must in some ways adapt to our way of life as humans. Even though they are domesticated animals they are in fact animals. And animals live and communicate differently than humans do. However, they have instincts, opinions and emotions just like humans. Make your pet’s emotional health a priority.
I firmly believe we do not own our pets. They are spiritual beings with a soul. Our responsibility is to love them, care for them, and protect them. Our job is to provide a safe place for them. Just like our children. We do not own our pets or our children. Our children will grow up but our pets will need us to provide a safe place with love, care, and protection for their entire lives.
Why are animals expected to suppress their emotions and opinions when those emotions and opinions are undesirable to humans? Would you be able to suppress your emotions all the time? It would be very difficult and at times impossible. When a pet is showing us their emotion they are simply trying to communicate with us in the way they are genetically programmed to communicate. It is the only way they know how. Placing human expectations or emotions on an animal goes against every instinct animals have. And so many behavioral issues can be avoided once we stop doing this.
Let’s look at some examples.
Food. Why do some people continually take their dog’s food away or mess with it? Years ago we just used to tell people and children not to go near a dog when the dog was eating. These were GOOD dogs. But maybe just didn’t want anyone touching their food, exactly the way pretty much any ANIMAL would feel.
Now, dogs are expected to tolerate someone taking their food away mid-meal, and not show any displeasure about it! Imagine being hungry and enjoying your meal and someone coming in and just ripping it away from you mid-bite. And not knowing if you were going to get it back? Then, be told not being able to show displeasure? But rather, being expected to act happy about it? If not, you won’t get your food back!
Barking. Dogs are pack animals. They want to protect us. When they hear something they simply want to alert their family to possible danger OR something to be excited about! If you thought there may be danger or if you were overly excited about something, wouldn’t you yell and alert your family in the house? Or would you stay silent and hope everyone makes it out safely? This is literally how dogs think. They aren’t trying to annoy you. They are trying to protect you. Or they are trying to share their joy. They are instinctually doing what nature has programmed them to do. So instead of being frustrated, thank your dog for looking out for you or for sharing their joy. You might not want to hear the barking but guess what. Barking is part of dog ownership.
Imagine never being able to be vocal? All animals and humans are instinctually meant to communicate. So please do not place an unreasonable expectation on your dog and expect your dog to be silent.
Biting, Growling, Bucking, Rearing, Hissing, Etc.. They are telling us they hurt somewhere (emotionally or physically) or they are scared, nervous, or tense. A “harsh hand” in this situation only amplifies their fear, anxiousness, or confusion. Instead, get to the root of what is causing the fear, anxiety, or confusion. Humans don’t like to assume the problem is us or think we are wrong, but I can tell you it is 100% environmental or it is unclear communication from the human. Whether you want to hear it or not, it’s the human.
Yes, the animal can have “baggage” from a previous situation, but these triggers can still be handled by humans in a way an animal feels safe, loved, and protected. It’s a slow road requiring a lot of patience and understanding. But it can be worked through with the right human (someone who is willing to step back and listen to the animal).
This is largely what causes behavior issues or aggressive behavior. When pets have unrealistic expectations they become frustrated. Just like a child would. Just like any human would.
Most pets are never allowed to show anger, frustration, or anxiety. They are not always allowed to show someone they are uncomfortable emotionally. They aren’t always allowed to show their individualistic likes and dislikes. But the reality is, every single animal feels these emotions, and has its own likes and dislikes, and comfort level.
Some animals are confident, some aren’t. Some like to be touched, others don’t. Some are extroverts and some are introverts. Just like humans. Loving a pet and being its protector means embracing your pet’s individualistic qualities and making those fit into your family. Not expecting your pet to change. Would you force a human introvert to just become an extrovert and allow people all around in this person’s personal space? Nope. It won’t happen without serious emotional damage to the human. Animals are the same.
Humans can help pets thrive by embracing each pet’s individual behaviors, likes, dislikes, and opinions. Not all dogs will be the same. Not all cats will be the same. Some dogs will bark more than others. Some cats will be more independent than others. So when getting a pet, instead of thinking about what you want the pet to be like and forcing those qualities on your pet, get to know your pet. Get to know who that pet naturally is. Embrace your pet’s strengths and respectfully and reasonably help to strengthen your pet’s weaknesses.
Pet training is very important to help develop some form of communication between animals and humans and to develop some level of manners in animals. It is also important to develop a safe relationship between animals and humans (especially between animals and children). However, in some ways, it goes way too far. It is unreasonable. Let’s teach children differently. Let’s have realistic expectations of our pets.
Animals have a tolerance level just like humans. Every single being can only “take so much” before they snap. Animals are no different. But, they are expected to handle so much and never show it is uncomfortable for them. They are expected to endure anything we do to them and never be able to tell us it is uncomfortable or scary or simply not okay with them.
Unless their emotion is happiness, in general, most pets are expected to repress the other motions, no matter what we do to them or ask of them. How emotionally drained and tired would you be if you had to be “happy” all the time? Even when you weren’t actually happy. Even when someone was doing something to you that you were uncomfortable with? This is what (in general) society expects from animals.
When animals can’t take that pressure anymore, when they can’t express their true feelings about something going on in their house, behavioral problems develop. It is their last resort. Trust me when I tell you animals do not want to upset you. They don’t do things just to frustrate you. There are three potential causes:
1. They are unhappy.
However, most of society doesn’t want to see this or acknowledge this, so it is labeled as a behavior issue. This can be because of a situation in their life or repressing their emotions for too long or living under unreasonable expectations. We’ve all had times of unhappiness in our lives. It doesn’t feel good. So considering that, don’t you want to help your pet feel good? And be happy?
2. They are showing you that you are part of their pack. (This is an honor!)
In their way, they are showing you love, respect, and honor. They are protecting you (barking), including you (grooming you – gentle bites, licks, etc), and at times even submitting to you. In their eyes, their behavior is a gift, an honor. When you consider that, please show your pet appreciation for their kind gesture. Imagine how much it hurts to give a thoughtful gift to someone and in return be reprimanded or to have the recipient be upset about it? This is how your pet feels. Let’s change that. Thank you pet, give them a kiss and a hug, and show appreciation.
3. They don’t understand your form of communication.
They think they are doing what you are asking. Or, they are so confused they are showing their frustration. Considering this, give your animal the benefit of the doubt. This is the hardest one to correct on your own. Usually, if there is a communication block it is difficult to fix that without professional help. But your pet’s emotional health is worth it. Try to communicate differently, softer and quieter. (Softer and quieter always works better.). Or, get professional help from a trainer or communicator.
I can assure you, your pet’s behavior issues will start to diminish. Your relationship with your pet will grow. All because your pet will feel understood, heard, and feel confident expressing their emotions.
This applies to every animal. Dogs, Cats, Horses, Birds, All of them. They all have emotions, opinions, likes and dislikes.
