One of the best ways you can strengthen your relationship with your pet is to get them to look at you.
Before you give them a treat or feed them, wait until they look at you.
Before you put their leash on for a walk, wait until they look at you.
Before you play with them, wait until they look at you.
It makes a big difference. They will bond with your deeper. They will look at you more and more all the time. Cueing into you. You will start to see and understand more of them through their eyes.
Just wait. Eventually they will look at you, theyll be tired of waiting and theyll look. Reward them immediately. Find every single opportunity you can to wait for them to look at you.
Just like humans, it will bond you deeper together.
Now, some animals are very fearful or submissive and eye contact can be scary and intimidating for them. For these pets, wait until they look at you (but not in the eye). Don’t make eye contact with them. Just look down and wait until they look up at you. Youll see it in your Peripheral vision.
Over time, these pets will likely start to feel comfortable enough to make eye contact with you.
Lots of us travel. And traveling when you have to leave pets behind can be stressful for us and them! It is also a big responsibility. Some pets handle owner travel better than others. Here are some tips to help your pet when you are away.
Tell your pet when you are leaving, where you are going, when you are coming back, and who will be taking care of them. Tell them where they will be (home, another house, a boarding facility, etc..)
*If your pet is boarding, allow a couple short visits (day stays, one night, etc.) before the longer stays. This gives your animal a chance to familiarize itself with the place. Also, gives you a chance to see if you animal is happy and comfortable there. And it gives your pet a chance to see you ARE coming back for them.
Home or facility, leave your animals with something that smells like you. Dirty clothes are the best. Even in the home, leave something that smells like you.
Get them something special to be excited about! A new toy that you give when you say your good byes. When you say good bye this is a perfect time to remind them you WILL be back, and when.
Try not to be stressed or anxious. If you are, they will sense this and they will be too! That’s why the new toy helps… it is something for them to be excited about.
Make sure you have an emergency plan. Extra food, extended care, etc… if you get delayed coming home.
Pet cameras – I love pet cameras, it makes me feel better to be able to check on them when I am away. Make sure they are ok. Make sure my pet sitter is coming when necessary. A little over the top, maybe. But my animals can’t take care of themselves so it is my responsibility to make sure they are ok while I am away.
Animals can not feel guilt. This is a human emotion.
Instead, what you are seeing is your animals reaction to you and your emotion. They don’t feel remorse after going through the trash, scratching something up, or breaking something when you weren’t around. However, when you show up and you are frustrated, they react to YOU. But they do not know why you are frustrated.
So what you see if their attempt at avoiding conflict and avoiding trouble. It is their attempt at showing you they see you are upset and showing you they don’t want to add to your emotion. So they show what we label as signs of guilt. However in an animal’s perspective they are trying to assume a submissive position to avoid conflict, to stay out of trouble, and to show you, they just want to keep the peace.
Animals are experts at reading human emotions. If you look upset, they want to avoid making you more upset. So they try to deescalate the situation by making themselves small, avoiding eye contact, trying to hide, etc. The last thing they want to do is make you more upset than you already are. So they assume their most non threatening positions and actions.
Because of this scolding them or continuing to be frustrated and upset only damages the relationship you have with your animal. When they are doing everything they can to maintain the peace, to avoid trouble/conflict, you scolding them only makes you unjust and unsafe in their eyes.
Unless you caught them in the act, they have no idea why you are upset. Animals are highly communicative beings. When you ignore their communication (them assuming submissive behaviors and actions) in these moments, you will cause them to live in confusion and fear.
Instead, stop and take a breath. Change your energy. Encourage your animal to approach you. They want to help us. They want to be your happy place! If you are upset, they want to comfort you. Let them know it is ok for them to comfort you. Be happy to see them despite the mess you walked into. Because I can promise you they are SO happy to see you every day, in all situations and under all occasions.
The mess is separate from your pet at that moment. If you didn’t catch them in the act there is zero connection in their mind. This is why they are such great teachers for us! You have to let it go. And allow your pet to make you smile. Doing this will create the deepest, truest bond. Your pet will feel SAFE with you. Your pet will continue to communicate with you instead of shutting down.
Talk to your pet like you’d talk to another human. You would not walk out of the house without saying a word if your partner or child was in the same room, or likely even in the house. You’d tell them you’re leaving and maybe even for how long and what you’re doing. Tell your pet:
* You’re leaving
* You’re coming back (very important for pets with separation anxiety)
* How long you expect to be gone
* Where you’re going
Pets are very intuitive. They understand and the know. They know more than you think they do.
The more you start looking at animals as equals and seeing their emotions, behaviors and quirks from their point of view, the happier they will be. They will engage more. They will open up more. Their personalities will shine more. They will behavior “better”. They will understand more.
I was always a gentle, patient, and kind guardian. 20 years ago I had happy pets. But I was seeing them from a human perspective. I was humanizing them. Placing my emotions and thoughts on them instead of trying to see their own thoughts and emotions and perspectives. I was placing my human ideas of why they behaved a certain way.
Now, holy cow! My pets are a level of happy that I never knew existed! All because I started seeing things from THEIR perspective, THEIR understanding, THEIR thoughts and emotions and most importantly their WHY behind their behaviors. Not the why I placed on their behavior, from a human perspective. I thought I was seeing things from their perspective often, but I wasn’t. I let human thoughts and emotions get in the way.
When you see your animals as equals instead of something you “own” your entire relationship will change for the better.
I have always loved animals. I have always been an animal person. I always did the best I knew how to do and followed what I thought was the right way to do things. I was always kind, never forceful. My animals have always been happy and loved. They were always happy.
But, I didn’t always see their behaviors from their perspective. I saw it through mine in my 20s and early 30s. Once I started really communicating with animals, lots of them, I started seeing their behavior from their perspective and it changed everything!
When I talk with the animals they often share preferred phrases with me. When they do, I make a commitment to use these terms.
Recently, pets have used the word “transition” instead of “euthanasia”, “dying”, and even “passed”.
I often ask them why. With this the general consensus is because they are not moving on in any way, they are transitioning into a different form, still as actively involved in their guardians’ lives.
One of the most important messages I want to send is about delayed correction.
This is one of the biggest misunderstandings I see between humans and animals.
Unless you actually catch your pet in the act of undesirable behavior, it is TOO LATE to correct them. They will not understand what they are being corrected for. All you will do is create confusion and lack of trust.
So many guardians feel guilty about not spending enough time with their pets.
Yes our pets love the time they get with us. They want as much as they can get. They’d spend every minute with us if they could…. Ok well most of them would:)
But they also are the most understanding loyal and selfless beings that exist. If you are busy – gone a lot – take the time to acknowledge your dog when you leave and when you return – even if you only run into the house for 3 minutes.
If you have work to do at home, sit with your pet and do it. Talk to your pet while you clean. Make ten 2 minute connections with your pet if that’s all you have.
Sometimes 10 connections seem like more time to a pet than one 30 minute connection because of frequency.
If your pet brings you something – anything, thank them.
It could be a toy, a kill, a stick, a bone, even your shoe! Whatever it is, it is their way of gifting you something to show their love.
So many pets get “in trouble” for bringing a sock or a shoe or an item belonging to a human. Trust me there is not a more flattering gift. It has your scent. Your animal is showing you how special you are. And bringing you something that is YOURS! To be helpful and to show love.
