Category: Behavior (Issues, Challenges, & Understanding)

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Reactive Pets

When animals are reactive (dogs, cats, horses, goats), correction is not going to yield the fastest results. Exposure is not going to lead the fastest results.

What do these animals need? They are reacting out of emotion.

When you are emotional and someone tells you to “calm down”, does that work? Nope.

If someone were to discipline you would that work? Nope, you’d get more angry.

If someone were to correct you, tell you youre wrong, tell you youre over reacting, would that work? Nope. You are reacting because you truly feel the emotions causing that reaction.

If youre reacting and someone else fires back with high emotion, will that work? Nope, youll both keep escalating.

If you were emotionally triggered or felt unsafe by something and your parent kept making you see that thing, would that work? Nope you would stay in a heightened emotional place and continue to feel unsafe. In fact, you may even feel betrayed.

Teaching emotional regulation (which is what reactivity is in animals) is not done through correction, discipline, exposure, or training. It’s taught over time by starting with limiting exposure to triggers.

You have to recondition and rewire the brain. The brain has been conditioned to react. “Neurons that fire together, wire together”. Most people have heard this. It applies to animals too.

It takes time for the brain to rewire. How does it rewire? By taking preventative measures to keep your pet calm and feeling safe. Love means acknowledging, to your animal, their fear, their anxiety, their level of discomfort is REAL to them. Aggression is also a form of all of those emotions.

By limiting exposure you allow your animals brain to literally rewire. You take them out of living in stress to living in calm and in peace. Once this happens you can start to gradually introduce triggers at a VERY far distance for VERY few seconds. Without ever crossing the threshold of allowing your pet to feel stressed.

This process takes SO long. But if are truly committed to it, you can take an animal that lives in stress to an animal that lives in safety and peace. Do you know how good that feels to them? It changes their entire life. And it will change yours too.

You two will develop the deepest bond and true trust.

And if you can’t commit to what it takes to help a reactive animal leave in peace, at least don’t get upset with them when they do react. I understand now everyone has the time for this. You can still love your pet for who they are, understand their emotions and fears are real to them, and most importantly, keep your emotions calm and neutral when they do react so they feel safe with you.

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“Yes” & “No”

Let’s talk about “Yes” And “ No”. We can teach our animals these words just like we teach “sit”, “stay”, Etc.

Most humans use “No” very assertively, loudly, aggressively, with a deep (mean) voice, etc… This is unnecessary and just scares your pet. Your pet doesn’t learn what the word “No” means, they just know in that moment you are upset, angry, frustrated, etc. and they don’t know why!

Instead teach them what “No” actually means. It means to stop doing whatever they are doing. This is done with a REGULAR, calm voice. It becomes a request, not an emotional trigger for your pet. When you teach them use the word “No”, calmly, quietly and in a regular voice and tone. Move them away from whatever they are doing that you disapprove of, and reward them for discontinuing the disapproved behavior. The reward should be fun, happy and upbeat!

You can say “No”, and when your pet stops whatever it’s doing or you move your pet away, then say “Good!” Or “Yes!”, excited, happily and fun! Your pet will soon learn when you say No, a reward /happiness/ APPROVAL comes when they stop!

Then guess what? It’s not an emotional trigger for them. It’s not a reason for them to feel like they let you down. It’s a reason for them to SUCCEED, to get your approval, to FEEL GOOD!

See how that changes the energy? Then, when you catch your pet doing something you don’t want them to do, you can say it calmly, quietly, and regularly, and they will stop and wait for your approval. Just make sure you give it to them if you wan this to keep working.

This is a TOTALLY different spin on the word “No”, compared to what most humans do and use with animals. I promise it will change EVERYTHING. This is what I mean by learning to show up better for your pets and communicate in THEIR way, not yours. Communicate with respect.

Now the word “Yes”. You can teach your animals if they are unsure (because once they truly know the meaning of “No”, they will look at you for approval), you can teach them “ Yes” means they may proceed with their request. They are allowed to ask for things too!

You can teach your animals the MEANING of “Yes” and “No”, and when you do communication starts to go BOTH ways. They will ask you for permission before engaging in activities that are foreign or unknown (with eye contact). And you can tell them, “ Yes” or “No”.

It’s really cool and it really will deepen your relationship and improve communication. Like everything else though it takes time and consistency to teach them what those words mean. But it is worth the time and effort.

And again, when teaching animals EVERYONE that engages with that animal has to be consistent with their requests and method of requests and use of words for animals to learn without confusion.

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Things Animals Don’t Understand

Animals AMAZE me because they are so smart. Think about how much they are asked to adapt to a human world. And they do.  But let me tell you a few things they dont understand, and never will. 

* Jokes. Playing jokes on pets causes distrust and confusion. This applies to every pet in every situation. Social media tries to make us believe otherwise. Their reactions, that humans find funny, are baed in fear, confusion, and anxiety.  Animals have a sense of human, just not like we do! They’d rather make YOU laugh with their silly behaviors. 

* Yelling. Yelling at animals is not discipline, it’s fear provoking. They don’t understand yelling the way humans do. They don’t understand you can yell one minute and then be happy the next. Animals avoid confrontation, ALWAYS. It’s a last resort. Yelling carries a very scary energy for animals, even if they act ok. These animals that act ok are internalizing it. 

By yelling I mean, at the animal or at each other! If you yell out of anger or frustration at a human, but the animal hears it, they panic. 

* Delayed discipline.  If you come home to a mess, it’s too late. You can not discipline your animal. They don’t live in the same “time” we do.  All they know is they are happy to see you when you walk through the door. If that happiness turns to anger or frustration, you will literally break their heart. And they will have NO IDEA why you are mad, even if you think you are being clear. You aren’t. 

It’s only human of us to humanize our animals. But when we do it to the degree that we lose sight of what they actually can and do understand, humanizing them becomes a burden for them instead of a more blessed life. 

If you could truly see into an animals heart the way I do, and the way some others in my life of work do, you would never, and I mean never, ever, EVER get frustrated, angry, or impatient with them no matter WHAT they do. I sincerely mean that. 

My dogs could rip my cough apart (they wouldn’t, LOL, but could because they are dogs!), and if I came home to that I would be discouraged, but I would greet them with love, smiles, and hugs like I always do. I would ignore the couch. I would be upset with myself for missing a cue, that led them to that behavior. I would NOT be upset with them. Not even upset with them. Not even 1%. Why? Because I know how they think, I know what timeline they live in, and I know what their hearts are made of. 

Now if I caught them doing it, I would take them away from the couch, tell them NO, softly and quietly, ask them to sit while I pick it up. Not let them be involved in picking it up (because I don’t want them to thinking its a fun activity WITH me!). LOL. And then move on with my day never to mention it again. 

I wasn’t always that way. I used to get frustrated with animals at times, just like everyone else. I made plenty of mistakes, like everyone does. But when I started developing this gift years ago, I changed. And if you need to, you can change too. We can only change when we learn. But you are all here to learn, and through this, you will change and show up more fairly for your animals too. 

My current pets have the best version of me and yours can too. We can’t change the mistakes we have made in the past because we didn’t know any better, or we let emotion get the best of us, but we can choose to learn as much as we can so we can show up for our pets in a way they understand and in a way that is fair. 

And remember our pets from the past knew exactly what they were choosing and they still chose us, even if we were not our best. They helped us get to where we are NOW for our current pets. How much more does that make you love them now? 

Tomorrow I want to talk about the word “No” and the word “Yes”.  A very important part of our communication with animals. 

If you want to know how to show up better for your animals, I promise a reading will help you do just that. 1.207.849.0096 Text. AngieAngieMorin.com

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Training is FUN!

The foundation of a well behaved animal is not obedience. It’s not even training. It’s your relationship with that animal.

If your pet (any species) thinks good things happen WITH YOU, they will be super eager to do what you ask.

What does it mean when I say good things happen WITH you?

Rewards – Lots and lots of rewards

Praise – always telling your animal how wonderful they are, how smart they are, how proud you are of them. They understand ALL our words because words carry energy!

FUN – If what you are doing is FUN, they will want to do it over and over and over. Training is SO easy, when it is FUN

Feel Good Energy – If your pet feels GOOD when around you, guess what? They want to be around you. They want to do the things you want them to do because they feel GOOD!

If you are disappointed in your pet, always criticizing your pet, always pointing out what your pet does wrong and rarely rewarding what is correct, your pet will not feel good.

Your pet should feel that everything wonderful in their life happens around YOU, because of YOU, and with YOU. And if you choose to create that energy, your pet will do anything you ask, happily, willingly, and without resistance.

It is a choice. You choose how to teach (train) your pet. You can make it fun. You can focus only on the good and ignore the bad, or you can be authoritative, demanding, and rigid. I promise you the first approach works better and quicker. The first approach creates happier and more relaxed and adaptable animals. The first approach is what they deserve.

Animals have free will, like we do. Their free will should be honored. They should never be forced into anything (unless it is truly for their safety). Make it fun, make them feel good about themselves, and they will thrive. I promise!

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New Animals In the Home/Barn

When you bring a new pet into your home or barn they will be living in a state of stress for the first week or more.

To them, its like being dropped into a foreign country without notice. A place where you don’t know anyone and no one speaks your language. A place where you don’t understand the language.

Their cortisol is going to be HIGH from this stress even when you have “saved” them. They are too stressed to know they’ve been saved.

They are going to be overwhelmed, make mistakes, and have accidents.

They are going to lack sleep, be confused, and try to protect themselves.

They are going to be living in survival mode.

If more people understood this and had the patience these animals deserve during this stressful time, more animals would stay in their homes (and not be returned). And more animals will settle in SOONER because instead of adding to their stress, your understanding and patience can minimize their stress.

Trying to be too friendly too quick, causes stress. Smothering them or introducing them to lots of new people, new animals or new places can cause stress.

Any animal moving to a new home (or barn) is going to feel ENORMOUS stress no matter how “good” the home is.

You won’t see the animal you truly have in your family for weeks. What they show you will be cortisol driven, survival driven.

Let them settle at their own pace without any expectations at all.

Allow them grace during their mistakes. Ignore the mistakes. I can promise you they are already worried. Knowing they “messed up” makes everything even harder for them.

Most importantly put yourself in their shoes, see the word from their perspective.

If you had no idea you were moving, but suddenly got dropped off in a foreign country where no one speaks your language and where you can’t understand the language. How would YOU feel?

Then imagine feeling the energy of those around you being impatient, knowing you made mistakes, but you don’t understand what those mistakes where. How would YOU feel?

Imagine trying to communicate and no one understanding. How would YOU feel?

Imagine living under expectations that you have never heard of? Not being taught with patience and kindness, just expected to know. How would YOU feel?

That’s how our animals feel.

But you can make their “move” safe and comfortable just by giving them time, patience and love. Releasing ALL expectations. And letting them show you when they are ready to open up, meet others, and go new places.

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Shredding and Other ” Naughty” Behaviors

Humans tend to view many animal behaviors as destructive behaviors. However, to an animal, these are natural behaviors they need to engage in. I want to start a thread where you can ask about a common animal behavior (any species) often labeled as destructive. I will give you the reason for the behavior, that fits the majority.

I can’t answer about specific pets or unique behaviors. I would need to connect with your animal to do that. However, I can answer about common behaviors that most animals exhibit. The majority answer may or may not apply to your specific pet, but it is my hope that it will apply to the majority of those reading that have animals displaying the behavior.

We have domesticated our animals. But we have NOT domesticated many of their natural behavioral instincts and it is very important to remember that if you want a happy and healthy pet. They have adapted so well to domestication and living in a human world, but they still have instincts and behaviors from their ancestors and always will. They will still have their own species needs and behaviors.

Here’s an example: Shredding (dogs)

Dogs will shred toys, often pulling out a squeaker, or at the least the fluff.
Dogs will shred pillows and rip up blankets.
Dogs may even rip up a couch cushion.

Why do dogs do this? The majority of dogs do this because it mimics their hunting and eating behavior. As a pack they will bite, pull, tear the meat off their prey. This is how they eat. Ripping it apart piece by piece. This behavior causes calmness, satisfaction, and accomplishment.

It also engages their nose as they move things around to decide which piece to tear out next. It engages their brain again, like a puzzle, which piece to pull out next. And it exercises their jaw (like chewing). Dogs must maintain a strong jaw (the jaw has muscles) for survival.

And that is why dogs love to shred.

It is your job as a guardian to provide them with acceptable items to shred so they can satisfy this instinct. There are even toys that you can restful over and over and over! And if you really want to help your dog feed “wild”, take those restuffable toys and add pieces of for or treats in there for them to find! Then they really will be eating!

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Difficult Animals

Animals that bite, growl, scratch, buck, rear, kick or bolt are often labeled as dangerous or difficult.

These animals are NOT that at all. They are usually the most sensitive animals.

These animals resort to these behaviors, which are forms of communication, because their more subtle, polite ways of communicating to tell you something is wrong, have been ignored.

They have run out of ways to communicate gently so they are using the only form of communication they have left. It’s always a last resort for these animals. By the time they get to that point they have been pushed so far there is no other option.

These animals need patience, understanding, and most importantly someone that is willing to observe and listen to the whispers.

These animals are loving, sensitive sentient beings that have had their voices ignored too many times. They are not dangerous or difficult. Starting listening to them and theyll show you who they truly are.

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A Powerful Quote From A Dog

“Things can get better but I will never be perfect. “

It is important we always remember this.

Our animals can be easy to live with, they can learn our expectations, routines, and way of communicating. They can learn appropriate behaviors. They can learn how to adapt to this human world.

But they can never be perfect. They will make mistakes. They will have accidents in the house. They will make messes.

I know most of us don’t expect them to be perfect. But do we expect them not to make mistakes at all?

They will still make messes. They might have an odd day. They might accidentally break something. They may have an accident in the house.

Sometimes we get the urge to need the bathroom quickly or unexpectedly but we can just go. It happens to them to. If no one is home, or they don’t have time to ask, or aren’t noticed when they do ask… they’ll have an accident. Even the best, cleanest animal.

And even more simple, humans make mistakes ALL the time. Animals will too.

So remember though you may not expect them to be perfect, do you expect them not to make mistakes in certain areas? I think some of us do.

But I do promise you, they don’t do it intentionally. They try their hardest NOT to make mistakes, even when they don’t fully know what we want.

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Can You “UnChain” Your Dog (or other pet)?

Did you know that January is National Unchain A Dog Month 

While most of us would never physically chain our dogs, I’m reminded restrictions don’t just come from chains. 

Psychologically, yes chaining dogs is very harmful to them. It’s restricting. It usually  leads to aggression, insecurity, frustration, anxiety, fear, and mental decline. Chained dogs feel restricted physically and emotionally. But not all “chains” are metal. 

Though I know you all get it and don’t actually chain your dogs, lets think about how we “unchain” the non-metal chains for our loved pets. 

* We can “unchain” our expectations of our dogs. Let them be who they are and not label them as “stubborn” or “reactive”. Those labels limit a dogs expression and tell the dog thats who we want them to be! They feel our energy when we use those terms. 

* “The invisible chain” Sometimes even our loved house dogs feel restricted emotionally, mentally or energetically when their voices, requests, needs, and emotions aren’t heard or correctly understood. 

* We can give them “freedom”. Let them choose where to walk, when to leave the house with use and when not to. We can honor their preferences to food, space, routines, and touch.   Communication is the bridge that allows choice.  And we need to be willing to listen. 

When we communicate with our dogs and open ourselves up to what they are trying to communicate with us, we “unchain” their voices. When that happens something 

Shifts for them and for us. 

I am so grateful so many of you already live understand the value is keeping our dogs off physical chains. Our dogs deserve more than a life tied to a chain, physically or metaphorically. 

If possible, please help an organization that unchain dogs. There are many. They provide large kennels and doghouses  for the dogs. You can help through your time, a donation, or by spreading awareness. So many dogs ARE truly chained and even just doing one thing, one time, may help a chained dog become “unchained” and live a life that is more free. 

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Your Pet Becomes The Words You Use

Animals are very sensitive to energy. That’s why the words we use and the names we call them affect them so much. They become that energy.  

They don’t understand jokes, so if we say “youre a pain in the butt”, even if we are joking, they feel we are being serious.  Humans joke all the time. We may call them stubborn or a brat as a joke. Or maybe we mean it! But either way, to them, the words we say are true.  So they feel like they are stubborn or a brat and they will become that way.

If we say they are aggressive, reactive, or mean, they will be that way. They think they are being what we want them to be because we label them that way!

Sometimes, again joking, we may say our pet is “not smart”, dumb, or stupid. Guess what? That hurts their feelings and they will again starting acting in a way that matches their label. Why? To try to please us. They think that’s what we want them to be because we label them that way.

I wish humans knew how much the words they use affect their pets emotionally and affect their pets behaviors, even if you’re joking!

If you tell them they are a lot of work, annoying, or frustrating they will be.  Then imagine THEIR frustration when you are frustrated with them being what they think you want them to be!

Try to use labels that create the type of pet behaviors you want to encourage. Try to use labels that make your pet feel confident, safe, and happy! Try to use labels that make your pet feel loved and appreciated.

Label them as * smart. *funny * brave * agreeable * easy * and other similar terms.

Say to your pet “youre so easy to live with. “

“You make my days so easy”

“You are fun to be around!!”

“You are SO smart!”

“You do everything right.”

“You fit in seamlessly!”

There are so many ways to label our pets with positive, uplifting, beautiful labels. So many labels we can use that help them be the best they can be. So many labels that make the dynamics in the house easier instead of harder.

If you want to know how your pet feels with the words and communication in the house you can give your pet a chance to talk during a reading.

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