It Takes SO Long

We all hear the 3-3-3 rule. It takes a rescue animal 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to settle in, and 3 months to feel at home. If more people allowed animals this time, there would be far less failed adoptions.

BUT, Im here to say I don’t think it’s enough.

Please take the time to read this entirely. I volunteer a ton in rescue. I also talk to thousands of animals every year. I have adopted my own personal animals. I see and hear how hard it is for them to settle in. I see and hear how quickly they are expected to understand and know expectations. I see and hear how quickly they are expected to be “easy”.

I have seen and heard it so much, I have known for a long time, 3 -3-3 is NOT enough. Not even close. I have adopted my own animals, and I know 3-3-3 isn’t enough. Most importantly, despite the above, I just saw how long it takes.

When we adopt animals we often don’t know they prior, so yes in 3 months it seems they are settled in, feel at home, and now showing us their truest and best selves. Nope. They aren’t. We just don’t have anything to compare it to. We most often never knew them before trauma or before their previous guardian. We never knew them before their life got hard, or before their life fell apart.

For the first time, I did. My dad died in April of 2024. I took his dog into our family. It was a time consuming, extremely difficult transition because of my dog, TItan. That’s an entirely different story. Anyway, of course Buck (my dad’s dog) needed 3-3-3. His whole world had been turned upside down. Thankfully, he knew us though. We (my kids and I), have a neighboring house to my Dad’s property.

In a few months, yes, he seemed happy. He seemed more at home. The dog dynamics in the house were starting to settle. Buck was happy! He knew our routines. He caused no trouble at all. He truly tried to stay out of the way and not be noticed. Why? He was stressed and didn’t know anything about our home and our routine and our expectations, even though he knew us. And he was grieving his old life. Animals will grieve their old life, whether it was good or bad. It is what they know. And they love unconditionally even if their previous guardian was not kind.

Over the course of the last year Buck has been exactly the same. Happy, tail wagging, no trouble, quiet. However, for the last 2-3 weeks, 15 months after my dad died, my kids and I have randomly said ” Wow, Buck looks really happy today!”, or ” He is really acting like this is his home. “

Over the last 2-3 weeks we have seen a HUGE change in him. Huge! He is a totally different dog. We knew him before, but we didn’t live with him. So of course when we’d go over to visit he was very happy just like any dog would be with visitors. But we didn’t see him all day every day in his day to day routine with my dad.

So when he came to live with us, yes he was happy. He showed it. But only during the last 2-3 weeks have we seen him shine differently. Sparkle differently in the eyes. Be extra happy! Just really act like he fits in here, like he knows this is home now.

It took him 15 months. It doesn’t mean every dog will take this long, but I can tell you they need a year. A solid year. Some will be less than 15 months and some longer. Buck is a dog that came to us without any baggage from past trauma. He lost his guardian, that is trauma, but it is not like an animal that has been bounced around between many homes, shelters, or the streets. He wasn’t a dog that took a long cross country journey to get to us. He wasn’t a dog that had been neglected, abused, or tied out on a chain his entire life. Add these traumas and it will take longer.

He was raised in a loving, kind, patient home from the time he was 8 weeks old. We started with the most stable, balanced, easy going temperament. We started with a dog that had correct and consistent training from day 1. We started with a dog that knew us, so he at least didn’t feel like we were total strangers. And it STILL took 15 months.

Now think about your rescue pet.

Were you a stranger? Someone completely unknown?

Do you know their history? Was there abuse, trauma, neglect?

Has your pet been bounced around between homes, shelters, the streets?

Has your pet taken a long transport journey to get to you?

Has your pet been sitting in a shelter for months? Years?

Has your pet lost hope?

Has your pet ever had any training? Proper training? Consistent training?

If you answered yes to any of those, expect it to take longer. We rarely adopt a dog like Buck that has been raised in a loving, kind and patient home. Unfortunately, most discarded animals were discarded because they didn’t end up with the best guardians, or they never had a guardian at all. Yes, there are exceptions. But the majority have had confusing, inconsistent, and unkind or unloving homes prior to abandonment.

So please, give your adopted animals a year.

This even applies to horses who are sold, not because they are discarded, but because it is the nature of the business.

Give adopted animals a year.

In my opinion, this is not made public enough because if humans knew it takes a year, or more, for an animal to be its best self, to fit seamlessly into your home, and to feel at home, many people would shy away. Too much time and too much effort in a world where we want easy and quick and perfect.